Sunday, May 27, 2007

Buster's Appearance on the David Litterbox Show

DAVID LITTERBOX: So, you’re Buster….is that short for anything? (audience giggles)

BUSTER: Depends on who you talk to. Best not to go there.

D.L.: Gotcha. Well, tell us a little about yourself then.

B: Well David, I’m a domestic short haired cat. I’m mostly black as you can see, with white on my muzzle and belly. Oh, and my paws, too.

D.L.: Yes, very nice…and very shiny, too. Hey Paul, isn’t Buster’s coat shiny?

PAUL SCRAPER: Yeah sure, whatever, Dave. Ha ha ha. Here’s my Buster song: (organ starts, Paul sings) Hey Buster Buster…You gotta nice shiny coat, oh yeah…!(very weak applause from audience)

D.L.: Yes, thank you Paul (nods and smiles).

B: (yawns)

D.L.: Okay, so you’re new on the scene. Where’d ya come from?

B: Well,…Matt, my owner, rescued me from a shelter in Easton, PA. Though it really seemed like a nut house to me. Bunch of cats with “problems,” ya know? And we’re all unwanted, too. It was a life of squalor I don’t care to return to. Plus, they “fixed” me there. You know what I mean? (audience gasp)

D.L.: Yes, and we know just how painful that can be. But now you’re out of there and doing what?

B: Well, I’m living with Matt, usually in his truck except when we stop for 4 or 5 days and get a hotel.

D.L.: My lack of God! You live in a truck? (audience gasp)

B: Yes, a semi truck with a stand-up sleeper. Pretty roomy for me. Plus I get to sit up on the dash and admire the view.

D.L.: Okay, but what about these hotels? Are they fleabags? (audience laughter)

B: No, he’s very choosy about where we stay. Sure is lots nicer than that Green Room of yours. I asked the lady for sardines and she gave me sushi! Not for me, babe.

D.L.: So what do you do at these hotels?

B: Uh, run around the room a lot, chase flies that aren’t really there, scratch up the furniture, and fling my toys around the room like there’s no tomorrow.

D.L.: So what’s next for you?

B: I’m workin’ on runnin’ away. Cats are never fully satisfied with what they have, and hey, I’ve done it before. I need to get out into that tall grass and chase bugs and crunchy birds. If I found a mouse…oh, that would be awesome.

D.L.: Wouldn’t you miss cat food?

B: Yeah, I might. He feeds me that gourmet stuff,….Pro-somethin’. It aint bad for dry food, but sometimes yah just gotta eat something that’s movin’.

D.L.: Like Tweety! You know, (pointing at Buster) you look a lot like Sylvester! (more audience laughter)

B: That’s an insult! Sylvester is a boob! (audience gasp) Why he can’t catch that scrawny little yellow bird with the oversized head is beyond me. It’s embarrassing to watch (light applause from audience).

D.L.: Yes, but…

B: Forget it, Dave. I’m outa here. (throws his saucer of milk at Dave and saunters out)(audience gasps again) (music plays) (cut to commercial).

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