Sunday, May 30, 2010

Here's The Cake!

Here's Matt's cake!

Big friggin' deal. I can't have any. I couldn't even get close enough to scratch the sides with my poopy paws just to taste the buttermilk. Yes, that's right. The frosting is dark chocolate, butter-cream from that Linda lady in Mt. Joy, PA where she makes cakes for evil people like Matt who doesn't share with cats.

It took 4 days for that slob to eat his precious cake, slurping and belching as he wolfed it down his throat. He said the middle layer was separated by a peanut butter moose or something. Mooses bite! I hope he got bit, alright. Devil's chocolate in the cake, and dark chocolate buttermilk frosting on the outside with green trim as you can see. What a pig. He kept going on and on about how he couldn't leave it out or the whole thing would melt into a pile because it wasn't artificial or something. And then he had to drive with the A/C on full blast in the heat for almost an hour! Who gives a rats bungie? Not me. I don't care. Can you tell? Happy Birthday and congratulations to Matt and not me, even though as you can see, my name is on the stupid thing along side his.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Sure Feels Good To Be Back Home Again

We made it home finally...

After being stuck near Poughkeepsie, NY (actually, it was Newburgh...but Poughkeepsie gets more laughs, and it's nearby!), we finally got a load down into Pennsylvania where Matt began to unload everything from the truck cabin during a light rain. Lots of swearing ensued,... some by Matt himself. The truck had to be cleared out so it could be taken to the place where the accident damage would be fixed. Red tape wasn't enough to fix this one. A whole new driver-side sleeper panel needs to be installed. So things are kinda cluttered in our apartment for the next two weeks we're off.

Matt has a huge to-do list of things to do that need doing, so he will be doing his things while I watch him do them and try to keep out of the way, lest things fall on top of me and crush my small, furry head. Ouch.

Matt has been out a lot lately doing errands, like updating the safety and emissions test on his car. This time he took it to Jiffy Lube to have done. But after passing with flying colors the last two years, this time problems were found safety-wise. But the guys at Jiffy Lube knew exactly where to have these items fixed with little or no waiting. So he went and did it for around $200: exhaust flex tubing, two u-hangers and some other thingy that kept the catelitic converter from falling on the ground or something. Then got his stickers, so all is good now with the car.

My self-indulgent manservant is ordering himself a birthday cake with shamrocks on it, because he was unable to properly celebrate our birthday on it's proper date due to Lent and job qualification issues (see further down). My name will be on the cake with his, but I will not be allowed to have all. So what's the point? I dunno. But he feels like celebrating belatedly his birthday, the fact that I can stay in the truck, the fact we got a new truck, the fact that the bugs are mostly out of the new truck (yeah, right), the fact that he passed his DOT physical without bloodpressure meds, the fact that the doctor gave him a two-year certificate instead of the usual one year because Matt's own doctor wrote a note saying "no longer diagnosed with hypertention" AND no more meds are taken that would put Matt at risk for hypoglycemia, the fact that Matt has lost lots of weight and is down to the mid 260's in poundage (he is after all, 6'5" tall!), and the fact that he made up with a high-ranking clergy person in Philadelphia whom he offended back in '04. All that and more requires a custom-made cake with shamrocks on it, I guess. And he's driving several miles to get it from Linda, who makes these in her home. The pictures of her creations look enticing, even to me. But with no bloody birds or shredded mice on the surface, I doubt I'd be interested...

Now Matt is talking about going into New York on Saturday just to go to church... What's wrong with this guy? We have several churches here, and the roofs don't leak. I dunno...

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Broke Down Again, This Time In Rochester, NY

Looks like we are broke down again! This time the bunk climate control unit has decided to stop working after only a week and a half. Freightliner Cascadias really suck bigtime!

That's me sitting behind Matt's computer on the bed. And that's my cruddy-looking litter box I've been doing my business in for the past 4 and a half years. As you can see, it's had better days. Maybe now that it looks like I may be staying a while, Matt will shell out some green and buy me a nice, new one. Don't hold your breath. He says "as long as it doesn't leak, there's no point in buying a new one."

So we sit...and wait at a motel for a part that's been backordered due to its popularity since the same problems are happening in so many of these new, poorly-built trucks. But don't expect a full-blown recall or anything.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Naked Picture Of Jane Fonda!!!

Although I am ashamed to do this, it is needed to bolster my readership after a long hiatus. Yes, I have a naked picture of Jane Fonda. Here she is in all of her glory.

She looks kinda angry, like she hasn't been petted in a while. Perhaps some hairball treats are in order, as she looks rather unkempt. I would expect her to lick herself to smooth her fur. I doubt she could reach her own butt. I can reach mine, though. All a part of being a superior feline like myself. I wonder what kind of litter she uses... Perhaps I should inquire on her website...if I can find it without opposing thumbs...

She also looks rather cold, like someone stole her raincoat. Poor, poor girl. That must be what turned her from a fun-loving sex kitten to an angry, man-hating feminist, so angry in fact that she hated our soldiers to the point of betraying them in a visit to North Vietnam during the war. That's what Matt says, anyway, and insists he saw it on the History Channel.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Standing Cats Go Against Everything We Hold Dear

Okay, it looks like we're posting more on this blog now than Matt's other one. But that's okay. It has been a very long dry spell and we are due for a bunch of posts.

With that said, I must point out the fact that foreign cats are evolving ahead of us American cats in that they are learning to stand on their back legs for extended periods of time. Personally I feel that Standing Cats are anathema or some kind of abomination. We do not beg on our haunches like drooling canines! We are cool beasts who sashay around the room brushing into anything that pleases us. This is our way. We are not trained monkeys. We do what we want.

Okay, I will stand for a short period to get treats, but I scratch and claw to get them after about 5 seconds. It's just not natural to stand and wave with a fore-paw at birds outside. They'll think I've gone soft in the head and swoop down on me or something. And then...I'll show them a thing or two...the fluttering little bastards. I'll scratch and claw them and bite their little heads off and leave their bodies on doorsteps and the end of beds near the post with blood and other effluence dripping on the floor below.... Oh yes... if Matt would only let me go hunting once in a while....

Saturday, May 1, 2010

I Escaped...For A Little While

I almost got away...for a time....on my own. But Matt knew my weaknesses!

I guess you already know we have a new truck. And like a anything new, it must be tested for weaknesses of its own to see if I can break out of it and run free!!!!

And I did.... for a short spell.

The freightliner cascadia has a few loopholes through which pets can flee, and I found one. The driver's seat, when raised to its driving height, offers space through which a cat or small dog can race under and out to be free free free!!!!...if the door is open for the driver to talk to a pedestrian. Or if the driver wants more fresh air than opening a window can avail.

I discovered this myself and dashed outside to the free air! And I ran and ran...until I heard Matt making smooching noises and shaking my jar of treats... Oh bliss! Treats!...for me!!! I ran back to him meowing and he grabbed me and stuck me back into the truck. He didn't even give me any treats. Yeah, see if that works again next time. We'll see.

Good thing I didn't get run over and squished. Now Matt has stuffed a large pillow under the seat so I can't see out and make my escape. I must find other ways. Yes. I must find them soon.