Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Went Outside, Ate Grass,... Threw Up

Stopped through Oklahoma this past weekend. Got put back in the corner room again. It wasn't too bad---lots of things to investigate, but left alone a lot.

Some lady came in once and put my harness on. Then I walked her outside! That was great. There were lots of green growing things all over the place, and I ate as much of it as I could. She'd pull me back for some reason each time I tried to get a mouth-full, but I still got a stomach full of wild greenery. Almost escaped from my harness, too. Next time for sure. Later that night I threw up. But I know some of it stayed down, because I threw up again this morning. I sure love that green stuff.

Now I'm back in the truck waiting for Matt to feed me. He says it will be a while yet so my stomach can rest from all the puking. He says 36 hours or else I'll puke again. I don't think he knows anything. I'm gonna see if I can sneak some of that old cheese he tossed in the garbage this morning. It sure looked good. Ooooh! Is that a paperclip? No, just a mirage. I love paperclips and screws. They clank when they hit my stomach.

Watched DVD's with Matt last night. Saw Autofocus and then a Hogan's Heroes episode. Matt had a hard time watching Bob Crane in Hogans after seeing Autofocus again. He says now he only watches Hogans for Klink and Schultz. There were no cats in any of the episodes that I saw, but once there was this monkey... I drooled at the thought of eating him. Matt has assured me he'd be much larger in person and would probably eat me first. I assured Matt I would sneak up behind him and bludgeon him with something heavy, even though I have no opposable thumbs. Matt found that amusing. I didn't. I'm going to bed.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Back To Work, YOU!

Matt's Dad once told him that taking two weeks off work for vacation is like taking a nail out of your foot. But returning to work is like having to put the nail back in---the latter being worse than never having taken it out to begin with.

For me, a cat being chauffeured around the country in a semi, the only thing I have to worry about in returning to the road is vomiting. Yes, it is very hard to keep food down the way Matt drives: stop-n-go, swerve to the right/left, reverse until the trailer bangs into the dock, etc... So feeding me is a rather delicate operation. I won't say that licking my butt or eating ANYTHING that falls to the floor eg., paper, screws, paper clips, tooth picks, keys, notebooks, hammers,...doesn't contribute to an upset stomach, but feeding me the incorrect amount of food when I have a hairball about to erupt from my belly can cause quite a mess indeed. It is my cross to bear, and I do it without complaining. And I do love those treats he gives me that are supposed to get rid of hairballs, even though they NEVER work.

Matt says all I have to do is get my sea-legs back after being off for two weeks, and to stop licking my rear so much. When I suggested he do the same he got very upset with me and put me in the plastic kennel thing. Some people have no sense of humor.

Saturday, June 9, 2007

Matt Abandoned Me Friday

BUSTER: So how was it?

MATT: Not bad. It was hot...very hot...around 90 degrees and very humid..., unless you stood in the shade between two buildings and caught a good breeze. Then it was nice.

BUSTER: Where was this at?

MATT: Just outside of Fox Studios in Manhattan. Actually it's called The News Corp. Building.

BUSTER: Oh...(yawns)...Sure glad you enjoyed it...(yawns again).

MATT: Hey! I saw Shepard Smith.

BUSTER: Who is that? Oh, that news guy on Fox,...that's right...(yawns). I saw him, too. You left the TV on.

MATT: Yeah, but I could see him do the news through the window on 48th St. and 6th. I even waved to him during a commercial break...and HE waved back.

BUSTER: What else could he do? He knew he was pinned down.

MATT: Hmmm. That's true. Plus some guy with kids was standing next to me. So he really had to wave back.

BUSTER: Ok then. (turning to walk away)

MATT: THEN I went to St. Patrick's Cathedral on 5th Ave.

BUSTER: (long exhale...turns to face Matt again) Oh?...And what happened there?

MATT: Well, I'll tell you--

BUSTER: (interrupting) WAIT!...(turns around several times before laying down and facing Matt with head propped on bent elbow). Ok,...(smiling)...now.

MATT: I was sitting in the cathedral admiring the architecture and taking pictures when suddenly,...a service started.

BUSTER: Just like that? (suddenly interested)

MATT: Yeah. Pretty much. Everybody was walking around taking pictures, and then an usher undid the "museum ropes" and a priest, a nun, and some other lady came walking out to the podium to start Mass.

BUSTER: Wow. On a Friday, too.

MATT: Yeah! So I sat down with the others in the pews and participated. The sound system there isn't very good, so I only heard every other word. But it was a good service and I was inspired.

BUSTER: Uh-oh. Inspired how?

MATT: Well, they started giving out communion so I got to the end of the line---

BUSTER: (interrupting) Wait. Holy Communion?

MATT: Yeah.

BUSTER: (shaking head) Go on...

MATT: What.

BUSTER: I thought you never had Holy Communion in a Catholic church.

MATT: I haven't--only Episcopal, Baptist and Methodist. But I thought it would be cool to have it at St. Patrick's in New York. You know, Babe Ruth had his funeral there.

BUSTER: Really? So what happened next?

MATT: I followed the end of the line until it got to the nun, a very venerable and diminutive Italian woman with swollen arthritic hands, who raised the bread disc very high for me. I surprised her when I spoke to her saying I was baptized in a Catholic church but never had my first communion.

BUSTER: What happened then?

MATT: She looked at me rather puzzled, turned her left ear toward me and said "what?!?" I leaned in closer and started to repeat it when she cut me off saying, "never had first communion?" I continued and she interrupted me again and shook her head and said "no." Then she reached up to my forehead, not properly judging the distance I think, and bopped me with her arthritic hand, then smiled broadly while patting my forehead, saying "God bless you!" I thanked her and walked back to my seat.

BUSTER: Hmm. At least you were honest about it. I wonder how many others there were that weren't.

MATT: (shaking head) Doesn't matter.

BUSTER: Is that the picture of St. Patrick's?

MATT: Yeah

Thursday, June 7, 2007


At last!!! I got to eat something...about an hour ago. Now I'm lounging on Matt's bed, dead tired. Really, being hungry takes a lot out of a cat. Sure hope I don't bring it up. It wasn't much, so it should stay down. Then in the morning I'll get more, and then have the whole place to myself. You see, Matt intends to drive up to New York City for some reason. Not sure what the attraction is there. I've seen it from New Jersey. Looks awfully crowded. Hey, whatever teases his whiskers, I always say.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Sick on Vacation

Uuuuuhggggghhh. Just threw up this morning and feeling awful. It really sucks being sick on my vacation. Not really sure what's wrong with me. Just kinda one of those vicious cycles, I guess. I know I ate some paper earlier this week. It looked tasty. I chewed on it. It didn't taste bad and I was hungry. So I swallowed it. Later that night I threw up after two weeks of no vomiting.

Then while Matt denied me my usual meals so my stomach could recuperate, I got kinda hungry and jumped onto the kitchen counter (Extended Stay America) and licked some tomato sauce that hardened. Then I lapped some dirty dishwater from a pan left in the sink. Next morning after Matt fed me I threw up again.

Then last night after I pestered Matt repeatedly for a taste of what he was eating---he called it Wensleydale cheese with bits of cranberries, I tried just a little bit. After all, Ferdinand eats cheese balls, so why can't I? I wretched and wretched again until the cheese came back up.

Then Matt took a chance, since I begged so much, and fed me again this morning. I puked it up less than a half hour later. Now I have to go without food until tomorrow night, and then only a little bit. I'll starve before then. Maybe if Matt goes to NYC today I can get the fridge open and tip over a beer or something. I saw more cheese in there...that would be awesome!
He already cleaned out my litter box this morning, so old poop is out of the question. He even hid my catnip toys so I wouldn't tear into them for the tasty catnip middle. So here I sit...waiting and waiting to eat again. *Sigh*