Health Improving

After a month of frequent puking, I am finally getting better. All it took was a trip to the vet almost two weeks ago in which I was examined, poked, prodded, and groped by people in lab coats. They even took an x-ray of me and I wasn't allowed to see it. No matter,...Matt says there was nothing to see except some poop in my intestines, which the vet gleefully pointed out.

Seems the problem was stubborn hair that just wouldn't pass properly. Seems it just got balled up and stuck here and there, slowing down the elimination process. So a laxative for me made up of cod liver oil, lecithin (whatever that is), malt syrup, white petrolatum (for sliding), and sodium benzoate (a preservative),.... Gosh,...they have everything but guar gum.

I can stand the taste, but I'm not overly fond of it. Matt tried to get me to eat it directly from the tube---NO WAY. So then he put some in my food dish...uh-uh. So then that rotten fat guy smeared some on my paws---bastardo!!! I had to lick it off. I couldn't leave it like that. A few times I tried to shake the stuff off,...but he smeared it too well. I HAD to lick it off. "Hmmm...not bad" I thought. But I've had better.

So now I'm gaining weight again and not vomiting at all. Life is good. Bring on those Democrats.

Clever Fred

BUSTER: So now I'm...what?...a crawly something thingy?...

MATT: A crawly amphibian!

BUSTER: What the heck is that?

MATT: It means, according to the TTLB,...you're a frog

BUSTER: (frowns)

MATT: But that's just one example. There are many MANY kinds of amphibians....Snakes, I think...

BUSTER: What's after that?

MATT: A slithering reptile! Wait....that's a snake.

BUSTER: Oh, great. How many do I need to get to be something cool?

MATT: Some think snakes are cool. But you need 110 links to be a flappy bird.

BUSTER: A WHAT???? You mean a dumb bird is the best I can do?

MATT: Well, for now...yes. It's a long slog uphill. I wouldn't worry about it. The most important thing is to gain an audience. You can do that by linking to others and by writing good material.

BUSTER: Ah! So it's YOUR fault. You're the one writing this thing.

MATT: Well, yes I am the one typing, but the writing is inspired by you, kitty. You need to get off your hairy butt and do something interesting.

BUSTER: You want me to dance? Is that it? I gotta dance for you? (stands up on hind legs)

MATT: No, just talk about relevant topics. Like on Laura Ingraham...they talked about dog fighting because of that football player involved in that.

BUSTER: (putting up his dukes) Hey...you wanna fight? Huh? Huh? (starts shadow boxing while dancing on hind legs).

MATT: Very impressive.

BUSTER: (feigns a punch at Matt) Gotcha! I gotcha. Too quick for yah. Way too quick.

MATT: I dare you to actually hit me.

BUSTER: (quickly punches Matt three times: chin, nose, then forehead). Haaaaah!

MATT: (looking shocked but hardly reeling) Oh, you're asking for it. Try that again.

BUSTER: I got cat-like quickness....(punches Matt again on chin with right paw)...cause I'm the cat and you're NOT. (left hook to jaw).

MATT: Hey! (grabs Buster by scruff of neck) (speaking with German accent) Und now you ah going to zee coolah. (puts Buster in kennel).

BUSTER: NO FAIR!!! Hey!

MATT: You forgot to mention Fred Thompson.

BUSTER: (instantly calms down) Oh...when is he gonna announce?

MATT: Soon.

BUSTER: What's taking so long?

MATT: He will announce on his terms, not the Democrat's. The Dems have been planning attacks to coincide with the announcement. But since the announcement has been delayed, the Dems can't hold back the attacks...like someone with a blurting problem. They can't keep their mouths shut to save their own necks. So their stuff comes out early and awkwardly AND gains no traction.

BUSTER: Clever Fred.

MATT: Yes, so far it's working. The Dems are off balance. And in my humble opinion...getting nervous.

BUSTER: So it was kinda like what we just did, except for the German accent.

MATT: Correct! And for that I'll let you out. (opens cage door)

BUSTER: (punches Matt in left eye)

Blogging For Fred

BUSTER: Matt! Matt! (jumping up and down cheering) I'M A SLIMY MOLLUSC!!! I'M A SLIMY MOLLUSC! (high-fiving Matt)

MATT: (high-fiving Buster) Good for you, Buster. What on earth are you talking about?

BUSTER: The TLB ecosystem! I've suddenly moved from multicellular microorganism to slimy mollusc. Do I have lungs yet?

MATT: I don't think so...not yet. (looking at blogrolls) Yes, I see you have lots of links now. Conservative Cat went ahead and put you on the cat lover blogroll.

BUSTER: (punching paw in the air) Yes!!!..... What's that other one?

MATT: Well, you have also been added to Blogs For Fred. Not sure how,... as you have never written a thing about him.

BUSTER: Will it move me up the ecosystem?

MATT: Uh...yes, it should make you a flippery fish by tomorrow.... They have gills....You're breathing water at this point.

BUSTER: Okay...okay. Breathing water. Okay, that's something...I guess. We gotta get more exposure! Are there other blogrolls I can join?

MATT: Whoa! Slow down. You need to know about this latest blogroll you joined. I think they put you on it because I'm on it.

BUSTER: You are?

MATT: Yes! Don't you read my blog anymore?

BUSTER: Been busy.

MATT: Hmmm. You need to know about Fred so you can actually blog for him. It wouldn't make sense to be on the blogroll and not mention him in your blog posts.

BUSTER: Yup. That's right. (long pause) ...So?.....Who is he?

MATT: He's running for President.

BUSTER: Is THAT him?

MATT: Yes!

BUSTER: I've seen him on TV.

MATT: Yes, he's on TV and has acted in several movies. He's also been a US Senator, US attorney, and co-chief council to the Senate Watergate Committee.

BUSTER: All that and a bag of hairball treats. Awesome! Does he like cats?

MATT: Uh...probably. I know he stands up for the unborn, voting against abortion whenever possible. He's by far the best conservative candidate for President out there.

BUSTER: Will I be the next Conservative Cat if I support him?

MATT: You are already supporting him. And yes, in a way. But you should let Ferdinand be Ferdinand and you be you. You are Truckin' Buster and that will never change...unless I get a different line of work.

BUSTER: A patronage job?

MATT: Shhh!

Moochin' From Matt

BUSTER: Meow meow meow meow (pacing back and forth along dashboard as Matt approaches from parking lot) mieooooww! (jumps down to driver's seat) meow meow meow!

MATT: (opens driver side door, sees Buster) Heeeey Buster Kitty! (pets Buster repeatedly).

BUSTER: (in a much higher pitch) Meoww meeoww meowww. What the hell took you so long?!? (sniffs Matt's mouth) You didn't eat? Ahah!!! (sniffs Matt's plastic sack) You've got food in there!!! Smells like Taco Bell! Great!!! We're going to eat!!! We're going to eat!!!. (Turns circles on the seat, rubs cheeks against Matt's right hand---first the left then the right cheek).

MATT: (climbs in) Look out kitty...gettin' in. Aaah, no...we aren't going to eat. Mmmme is.

BUSTER: (claws at bag as Matt pulls it away) Whaddya mean me? Thought me was we...as in you and me.

MATT: (singing) ...and we are all together! See how they fly like Lucy in the Sky or something or other. Sorry, this food is Matt food, not cat food. Besides, you were fed just before I left.

BUSTER: Yes I was, but not THIS stuff!

MATT: That's right! (sitting on bunk bed) You eat your food...I eat miiine. Now, if you don't mind. I'm gonna get out the laptop and watch Monk on DVD. You just behave yourself and be content with your cat cereal. After all, it's the best brand there is.

BUSTER: Oh...okay then. Well, if I eat the best cat cereal there is...then how about you eating cereal, too? Hmmm. What was that cereal you were talking about when we were in Oklahoma? Boo-Berry or Frankenberry or something?

MATT: (laughs) You mean the stuff that turns your poop different colors? Sorry, my years of being a guinea pig are over.

BUSTER: What's a guinea pig?

MATT: A small stout-bodied short-eared tailless domesticated rodent often kept as a pet and widely used in biological research, also known as Cavia porcellus.

BUSTER: Oooooh, Cavia porcellus. Yes, they're delicious. Why couldn't you bring one of those back instead of Taco Bell?

MATT: They give me gas.

BUSTER: Well, that depends on where you stick them.

MATT: WHAT?!?!? Okay,...I'm so not sharing ANY of this with you--not even a scrap. How could you say that? You know I'm not...that way.

BUSTER: (taunting) Then where's your girlfriend?

MATT: Where's YOURS?

BUSTER: Hey! I got fixed at the shelter. Remember?

MATT: Yes, and I wish I'd done it to you myself.

BUSTER: Oh hairballs! You gonna gimmie some of that burrito?

MATT: NO!