Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Moochin' From Matt

BUSTER: Meow meow meow meow (pacing back and forth along dashboard as Matt approaches from parking lot) mieooooww! (jumps down to driver's seat) meow meow meow!

MATT: (opens driver side door, sees Buster) Heeeey Buster Kitty! (pets Buster repeatedly).

BUSTER: (in a much higher pitch) Meoww meeoww meowww. What the hell took you so long?!? (sniffs Matt's mouth) You didn't eat? Ahah!!! (sniffs Matt's plastic sack) You've got food in there!!! Smells like Taco Bell! Great!!! We're going to eat!!! We're going to eat!!!. (Turns circles on the seat, rubs cheeks against Matt's right hand---first the left then the right cheek).

MATT: (climbs in) Look out kitty...gettin' in. Aaah, no...we aren't going to eat. Mmmme is.

BUSTER: (claws at bag as Matt pulls it away) Whaddya mean me? Thought me was we...as in you and me.

MATT: (singing) ...and we are all together! See how they fly like Lucy in the Sky or something or other. Sorry, this food is Matt food, not cat food. Besides, you were fed just before I left.

BUSTER: Yes I was, but not THIS stuff!

MATT: That's right! (sitting on bunk bed) You eat your food...I eat miiine. Now, if you don't mind. I'm gonna get out the laptop and watch Monk on DVD. You just behave yourself and be content with your cat cereal. After all, it's the best brand there is.

BUSTER: Oh...okay then. Well, if I eat the best cat cereal there is...then how about you eating cereal, too? Hmmm. What was that cereal you were talking about when we were in Oklahoma? Boo-Berry or Frankenberry or something?

MATT: (laughs) You mean the stuff that turns your poop different colors? Sorry, my years of being a guinea pig are over.

BUSTER: What's a guinea pig?

MATT: A small stout-bodied short-eared tailless domesticated rodent often kept as a pet and widely used in biological research, also known as Cavia porcellus.

BUSTER: Oooooh, Cavia porcellus. Yes, they're delicious. Why couldn't you bring one of those back instead of Taco Bell?

MATT: They give me gas.

BUSTER: Well, that depends on where you stick them.

MATT: WHAT?!?!? Okay,...I'm so not sharing ANY of this with you--not even a scrap. How could you say that? You know I'm not...that way.

BUSTER: (taunting) Then where's your girlfriend?

MATT: Where's YOURS?

BUSTER: Hey! I got fixed at the shelter. Remember?

MATT: Yes, and I wish I'd done it to you myself.

BUSTER: Oh hairballs! You gonna gimmie some of that burrito?


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